I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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