Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
did i just pee glitter
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
