Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize