he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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