Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
