Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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