Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
