i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
