I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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