Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
