If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
