she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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