you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
