I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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