false alarm. still invincible.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
