Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
