He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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