Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
