I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
