your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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