your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How does one acquire holy water?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize