We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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