So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
