For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
