so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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