woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
