My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
