oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
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We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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