I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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