he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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