Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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