it's not cheating when I paid for it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
