so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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