...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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