I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
