i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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