Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
