Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize