shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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