it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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