I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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