the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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