it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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