I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
