glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
