Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
