Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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