have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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