Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
