Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
