she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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