who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party