my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
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so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia