woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.