Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.

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(610): not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis. http://tfl.nu/tt6j

Replies (11) Good night (554) Bad night (3787)
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(770): View more from Georgia

I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.

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(770): I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia. http://tfl.nu/25qr

Replies (14) Good night (2569) Bad night (1292)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Now he's lighting his socks on fire

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(920): Now he's lighting his socks on fire http://tfl.nu/p3kv

Replies (9) Good night (2710) Bad night (1150)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.

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(828): I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm. http://tfl.nu/jyta

Replies (19) Good night (732) Bad night (4532)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?

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(303): Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night? http://tfl.nu/dyw8

Replies (11) Good night (2044) Bad night (564)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to

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(865): if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to http://tfl.nu/lehr

Replies (8) Good night (1416) Bad night (533)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Watching her eat just hurts me

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(303): Watching her eat just hurts me http://tfl.nu/nzv7

Replies (7) Good night (416) Bad night (991)
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(587): View more from Alberta

Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?

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(587): Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature? http://tfl.nu/gy0w

Replies (7) Good night (1262) Bad night (351)
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(718): View more from New York

Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.

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(718): Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year. http://tfl.nu/pj0t

Replies (5) Good night (491) Bad night (471)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future

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(+44): You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future http://tfl.nu/4nas

Replies (1) Good night (476) Bad night (257)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.

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(304): Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint. http://tfl.nu/67cs

Replies (2) Good night (644) Bad night (229)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.

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(302): I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/l6mk

Replies (2) Good night (470) Bad night (185)
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(650): View more from California

Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.

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(650): Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what. http://tfl.nu/elzg

Replies (4) Good night (838) Bad night (186)
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(210): View more from Texas

Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

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(210): Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? http://tfl.nu/xmws

Replies (1) Good night (395) Bad night (175)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.

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(250): all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot. http://tfl.nu/zlsh

Replies (2) Good night (287) Bad night (378)

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