Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need moral support for this bender
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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