At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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