The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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