Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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