My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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