i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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