There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
