party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize